it isn't something i understand that well (not like i've tried very hard, anyway), but it's even been when i'd be returning to worcester from new york, or vice versa, or like the time pat and i went to the pacific northwest. and definitely about every trip i've taken to another continent i definitely spent the entire nights before packing. ever. so. slowly. and distracting myself with bike videos or music because i'd be stressed the fuck out. it's like whenever i'm about to go anywhere further than a few hours, i get an anxiety about uprooting, leaving my home, finding a new one, if even for a few weeks.
in august i probably had the worst time ever. because that time i really was uprooting. and taking with me whatever i could carry, really. having my bike shipped later was just a necessity for sanity. otherwise it was me and my bodyweight in luggage. trying to find my place in the bay.
tonight i pack again for the west coast. i've been living there for four months now, and while i still can't call it home, i look forward to returning. and only three days ago i was tripping like i didn't want to leave new york again! now i've been here for two weeks of bitter, cold winter and have gotten a solid reminder of why i moved in the first place. the weather, the people, the opportunities for exploration. if i really am finding myself, this is probably a good place to start.
so while i haven't gotten anything together in my bags, i realize all i really brought was a couple shirts, my laptop, and my camera gear. on top of that i think are few things my folks will probably ship for me. maybe there is a loose end here or there that i can pick up and tie in the morning, but for now, perhaps i will actually sleep tonight. after a nice hot shower in MY bathroom. which i'm going to get to now.
well, i guess i'll see you in california?
..or back here in new york. you know, my ultimate return. ;)
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