2012 begins

and what did i take with me from 2011?
like every year before, it came with experiences
that change the shape of what it means to do good,
and the idea of who and what i do right by.

i didn't realize what that even meant for me.
not until i considered what my highest values were,
or that they could change over time.

throughout life everyone will gain some things and lose others.
last year, in order to move forward with one teacher, i had to leave another.
that also meant leaving a brotherhood that for a time meant a lot to me.
i didn't feel like i had a choice.
my pursuit of higher knowledge could not be put into question,
but in its wake i was exposed to others' feelings that made me see their truths.
i crossed the bridge and cannot turn back.
here, the highest value is knowledge.

in 2011 i also left behind what had become my west coast home.
oakland gave me four brilliant years of sun and rain and friendship and paths.
i met many likeminded people who i hope to know for many years.
the weather was fantastic and a winter of rain was easier to endure.
my bike rolled out with me every day, and i got used to it.
...
some day i will ride oakland daily again.

until then, here i am, back in new york!
with much of the family and many old friends,
in the hometown landscape that i used to hold more highly.
i know the city well, so well that what i love and hate about it
are clear to me and that clarity amplifies the love and hate.
so it is as good, as it is bad, to be back.
new york is the city of ambivalence.

that doesn't mean these next years will be happily unpleasant!
these next chapters simply have a more complex landscape to flip through,
and the challenges will be as difficult as the rewards will be worthy.
2012 will see developments, progression, and maybe some big decisions too.

within the past several years, many of my written entries have rounded back,
to the idea that everything anyone does should be done with consideration.
that the right reasons be the cause,
and that even if there is no goal,
there should be progress.

i hadn't in those entries considered the greater values at the roots.
knowledge, justice, ethical responsibility and personal responsibility.
i need these to be strong in my mind, to encourage them,
and move forward with them.